I’m feeling very much at a plateau.  I haven’t been able to sit down and write because try as I might, I am idea-less.  And I’m still without any idea what to write about.  Don’t you just feel lucky now?

I have been running, a good bit.  I’ve been up at the reservoir and really enjoying the flat running conditions.  Today I decided to go off the track and run where there were hills.  That was unpleasant and humbling.  I was at a 12 minute/mile pace which would have not been discouraging a MONTH AGO.  In a way I should feel happy that I’ve come so far that it’s disappointing… right?  Comparing today’s run to the last time I did this routine (10 minute warmup/jog, 20 minute race pace), when I ran a 10.41 average pace, I definitely started faster this time during the jog, and that probably didn’t help. This is the first time in a long time that I haven’t felt awesome running and it’s difficult to keep positive.  I have such fears because I *know* how I get and I don’t want to get that way.

It’s OK.  I have my first race since the half marathon on Saturday.  I feel pretty good about how I’ll do and hopefully I’ll actually get to meet one of my online running friends — we “met” when we were both doing the Couch to 5k  in preparation for the Great Race in 2010.  She is a big inspiration to me and I’m hoping to get to run with her because she will hopefully prod me along :)

Meanwhile as I am feeling relatively good about my running (today notwithstanding) my weight is just skyrocketing.  I’m 10 lb heavier according to our scale than when I started this blog.  My husband reports that the scale is being mean to him as well, and he’s been biking to work consistently and I agree that he does not look as heavy as the number accuses him of being.  So I think a new scale is going to be bought this weekend.  This one is clearly broken and/or possessed by the devil.

This past weekend I went on a trip with my “mom friends” who I met on a message board many many years ago.  I love these ladies so much — I feel like it’s dismissive to call the my mom message board friends because really, they are absolutely my rock.  They are the first I come to with good news, bad news, silly news.  They’re the ones who will tell me I’m being crazy.  They’re the ones who have SUCH a broad base of knowledge that anything I need to know, I go to them… from IEPs to how to roast a chicken.   It was a perfect weekend of relaxing, getting fitted for a bra (which was mind-blowing), cooking, shopping, running, talking, laughing, and wagon races.  Despite some potential tensions, the spirit of sisterhood won the day and I feel really renewed by this weekend.

In other news, I’m just sorting out what to do with the kids this summer.   The boys will each be in special education programs — the little one for one morning a week, and the big one for mornings for 4 weeks or so.  We’re waiting to hear about my daughter’s status for the public school’s summer camp which is a 5 week program.  I almost feel bad that they’ll be perhaps in “school” or camp or the better part of July but I don’t really want the little ones to lose ground over the summer.  I want them to have good transitions back to school in September!

And for myself, I feel pretty confident in the idea of starting in the temp pool at the university in the fall.  I will need to seriously get a plan for child care for this, because it really is going to be a bit messy while I’m not full time.  And I hope that I can save enough money for summer camps for them for next summer so it won’t be a big issue when this time next year rolls around.

So really, I feel downright settled about what the next step in the job scene will be for me.  I feel like this part of the project has a big check-mark next to it.

No, I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.

I don’t know where my passion is, or where it might intersect with commerce.

But I do know that my season of being home is drawing to a close for the time being at least and I need to get to work for the family, and also for my own self-esteem. I feel like this will probably be what I can end up being pretty content doing for the foreseeable future… I remember that when I was a child when I thought about it I just wanted to work in “an office.”  So maybe that’s what I’m supposed to do!

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